Big strong wings

I wish I could capture all the memories/conversation from my most recent appointment with the psychologist so that I never forget them - it was a really great session!

We chatted briefly about how things are going with the pregnancy, and then moved on to discussing career issues. I told her that I had just received another email personally inviting me to apply for a tenure track faculty position at a university (that makes two separate schools inviting me to apply for faculty positions within the last month). This time the offer was more appealing, but again, because of the timing, my heart isn't really in it - both universities are looking for people to start before the fall of 2008. I hadn't really anticipated applying for jobs until AFTER that time. And I still find it crazy that I'm being contacted directly and invited to apply - where are these places hearing about me? I still feel like a small fish. I still feel that I'm not ready to think about running my own lab.

Then the psychologist said she views me as this beautiful, strong bird perched at the edge of her nest. Big strong wings, parental units (biological, and academic) waiting for me to finally take flight, and strangers from other trees inviting me to fly over and build my own nest in their tree. But there I am, still perched at the edge of my nest, afraid to jump.

I think her analogy is quite fitting - and I often find myself thinking "having big strong wings doesn't mean I know how to use them. It doesn't mean I still won't tumble and fall flat on my face." But I guess others have seen enough to think that I've already demonstrated that I can fly, it's just that for some reason, I don't see all that practice as being valid.

But what's the use in having big strong wings if you never try to use them? Maybe putting together a faculty application package will help me see what the others seem to see in me.