Literacy and equality

The other day another postdoc in the lab was having a conversation with one of the grad students and they were both speaking in mandarin (I am assuming). Normally it's easier for me to tune out conversations that aren't in a language that I understand. However, this particular conversation was punctuated with non-mandarin words like "analysis of variance" and "posterior probability" (this particular postdoc is the lab's resident statistician, can you tell?). So I started unintentionally tuning them in every time I heard a word or phrase that was distinctly not mandarin.

After the student left I turned to Dr. Stats and told him that I thought it was funny how his conversation was sprinkled with so many english words (I really did find it amusing). He told me that most of the time jargon like that is just easier to say in english because you never know if the other person knows the correct chinese word for what you are talking about.

Then we talked about how new words are invented in one language, and sometimes adopted in all languages, or translated into language specific jargon. I always think of how the french word for "shampoo" is "shampooing" - just because as a kid that always made me laugh... the "pooing" part anyway. But for new fields of research (ie. New-ology) Dr. Stats told me that instead of just adopting the english word, the chinese generally construct their own proper translation since they would have appropriate words for whatever the "new" part was and the "ology" as well.

From there he demonstrated how the written characters of the chinese are useful for such pairings. And I told him how I had once taken a Japanese class and learned a few chinese characters from that class, but how I found them very complex and difficult to remember how to write.

Then I got a really interesting history lesson.

Apparently the chinese government was paying attention to how difficult it was to be literate in chinese, so in the 1950's they decided to revamp many of the most commonly used characters to simplify them. I won't go into too many details (we probably talked and read wikipedia for an hour during my history lesson), but the literacy in China before the simplification of characters was very low. We're talking only the very rich, and those in larger cities. But China has a huge population, and many live in rural areas where perhaps only one person in a village knew even a handful of written characters. Now the literacy rate is above 90%, and even higher among the younger people of China. They also introduced laws requiring children up to a certain age to attend school, so I'm sure that has helped and is probably why the younger generation have an even higher literacy rate than the general population in China.

But what kept striking me as amazing was the fact that one of the worlds most populous countries was able to change their written language - and do so successfully! I can only imagine the riots and complaints that would take place in north america (or europe for that matter) if any of the governments decided to make people re-learn their written language!! It would never happen! But Dr. Stats assured me that because the literacy rate was so low when the chinese government did this, most people were happy to have an easier system to learn - and also, that no one dared argue too loudly against what the government told them to do.

Part of me is just so proud of that endeavour - it seems to have been very successful, despite how huge of a change it was (changing what side of the road a country drives on seems teeny in comparison). I'm still amazed that they pulled it off.

One last thing Dr. Stats told me about the Chinese government - they had a slogan that went something like:

We don't worry about poverty, we worry about inequality.

I can't say which I would worry about more, but still the socialist in me applauds.

Getting some perspective

This little gem is courtesy of Charles over at Everyday Scientist.
I'll be thinking about this next time I hear a lavish introduction for a speaker which includes the number of citations their ground breaking paper has had!

A Void

Boy, I hadn't realized how co-dependent I have become until now. Mr. Daybyday has been out of town for a few days and I feel like the husband who is lost without his wife there to take care of him.

The first day, after dropping him off and returning home I was like a housecat that makes it out the front door and then freezes in place on the front porch - amazed at the possibilities and simultaneously shocked at being outside. This is usually when the cat's human companion scoops them up and brings them back inside to restore order in the universe. But I had no human companion to scoop me up. So I just sat on the floor with our two feline companions instead.

Then I went sort of manic and did a bunch of housework and organizing. I even did some crafty/photo album stuff that I've been meaning to do. Then I felt this really strange rumbling in my stomach and realized that it was about 4 hours after when Mr. Daybyday would have made dinner for us - if he had been there, which he wasn't. So I quickly went to make something to eat. I was an independent woman before meeting Mr. D, and cooked for myself all the time - but Mr. D has a passion (and talent) for cooking, so he is the head chef in our home, and I guess I've gotten quite used to my role as just a sous chef. Needless to say, my lone vegetarian chik'n burger looked pretty pathetic being cooked on its own.

In the following days I've missed just about every regular meal time and only really noticed it was time to eat once my stomach started making noises. I'm a little angry with myself for not being more on the ball.

What's worse than the meal-mishaps, however, is that I've been completely preoccupied since I woke up the second day from a very erotic dream. Now I've got sex on the brain almost non-stop, and it's very frustrating. I'm a pro-active kind of girl, and I've tried to take care of this distraction, but it only goes into hiding for a little while. I think I must be ovulating or something.

Well anyway I've got some of my old grad school friends coming into town soon so I'll have some people to keep me company until Mr. D returns. And they'll probably help to keep me on a regular eating schedule too.

I wonder if this is what Mr. D feels like when I leave him to go to conferences? He probably eats better. Gosh I miss him.

Certainty

Maybe it was the line about smart people being good at rationalizing (and how that can lead to many hours of chasing our own tails), or maybe it is my training in mathematics - but this lovely comic courtesy of the very talented Randall Munroe at xkcd made me smile.


I think it may also be irony of how so many of us feel in the pursuit of knowledge and truth.

But it's still not enough to make me abandon science just yet.

Five lives

Another one of those "self exploration" exercises has really got me thinking. You're supposed to imagine that you could have 5 lives in which you could explore 5 different careers, lifestyles, the whole sha-bang! So far I have only come up with 3.

The first one that popped into my mind was, of course, to be a martial artist. It's funny how I sort of view this as my secret little quirky passion. Almost like I am a little embarrassed about it. I think it is more because I'm not the greatest martial artist - I just happen to be good enough at some of the styles I've tried to get enough positive feedback to make me want to learn more. I can imagine myself learning lots of different styles, and becoming an instructor. There is just something so intrinsically rewarding about practicing a martial art and passing on that knowledge. It is almost spiritual. It makes me feel at peace, even though most practices leave me sweaty and out of breath. So yeah, if I had 5 lives, I'd probably spend at least one of them exploring martial arts whole-heartedly.

The next one that I decided was to be a research scientist (talk about imagination!). I guess it is a either a good sign that I would spend at least one of my 5 lives doing what I am on the path to doing now - OR a bad sign that this life of science has sapped all of my creative juices so that I cannot even think of much else to do with my life. But I'll try and stay positive and take it as a good sign. I don't imagine myself as a professor - but that could also be because I've been resisting that particular "flavor" of research at the moment. I can imagine working in either a big (maybe even top secret!) government lab, or maybe some other large organization. I picture myself working along side very bright people towards a common goal. I'd like to think that the research would be of the utmost importance and of benefit to humanity. And it would tickle the little kid in me to be using or pushing the advancement of some really cool technology too. It just seems so much more exciting and rewarding than what I do right now (which seems sterile and obscure in comparison).

The third career/lifestyle that I could come up with was to be an advocate or somehow involved in policy change and revolution. Again the major theme would be to benefit humanity and make a positive difference in the world. Maybe I would act as a liaison between the scientists and politicians to prevent silly political whims from pulling the plug on otherwise revolutionary and potentially ground breaking research. Or maybe I would be an advocate for diversity - be it special needs issues, gender issues, racial issues - I think there is a lot to be said for a proper training in genetics in allowing folks to understand what difference and diversity actually mean. The world is becoming more and more of a global venture - it is about time we started helping people utilize diversity for good rather than ... well rather than for what it seems to be used for now, which is bad.

Anyway, I'm still working on what to do with the other two lives. I know I'd love to travel - but I've got to pay the bills somehow, and I've always sort of known that I want to love my career. We spend so much time at our jobs that it just never made sense to me to choose a career that you don't love if you have any say in the matter. But for some people the trade off is worth it - the job only takes up their 9-5 lives, and doesn't get to touch the rest. Maybe I would spend one of my 5 lives like that, just to see what I'm missing.

What keeps you awake at night?

I attended a seminar recently where the speaker responded to a question from the audience with "Now that is what keeps me awake at night!" The speaker was implying that the question raised by the audience member was something that worried or troubled the speaker to no end. And they were talking about a specific aspect of the research presented.

When science keeps me awake at night, it's not usually because my results make no sense to me, rather it is usually when I've been stumped by a coding problem and the solution suddenly pops into my head and I'm trying my hardest to make sure I don't forget the solution by the time I wake up the next morning.

And even those instances are rare. Science does not usually keep me awake at night, unless you allow your definition of science to include wondering where the universe came from, if there was anything before the universe as we know it, and what happens after we die.

Those types of thoughts tend to frequent my mind as I try to fall asleep - and I usually push them aside because I've had them enough to know that I never really get any satisfactory answers from them and they usually just end up making me feel sad and alone (even with my husband right there beside me!).

I used to wish that I could see how all this turns out. So that after I die I could be a spectator and see how far the world "advances" and what becomes of us. I think that means I am pretty attached to this world.

Anyway, I wonder what keeps other people awake at night. And I wonder if it is typically related to stressors in our lives, or if some scientists are kept awake by science because they simply love thinking about it.

Priorities

In evaluating my career goals (this is supposed to be one of the first steps if you're searching for that elusive dream job), I think I have discovered a few things about myself that I hadn't acknowledged previously.

First, money does matter. I don't need incredible amounts of money (but it wouldn't hurt!) to feel satisfied, but there is a real connection in my mind between pay and recognition for doing a good job or something of value. If I were to earn more than a professor, I think I could more easily get rid of the notion that leaving academia is a "step down." However, the more I read about careers outside the ivory tower, the more that notion is evaporating on its own.

As I continue my day to day activities as a postdoc here at fantastic U, I can recognize many things I would miss about leaving academia (virtually no dress code, very flexible hours, so much opportunity for leisure activities through campus groups/clubs/teams, a sense of community, some notion that I have the time and encouragement to continue learning new topics and skills, and travelling the world to attend conferences). But some of these things are not guaranteed at all institutions. And some of these could possibly be found outside of academia. But because my experience is so limited (and confined to only two very great universities), it is hard to know what aspects of an academic career are rigidly imposed everywhere, and which ones are variable.

If I were to pursue a tenure track faculty position, in the country where I am from (and where I will return after this postdoc) virtually all universities appear to have a 45:45:10 ratio for research, teaching and service requirements. Although research tends to be emphasized more than teaching. But as much as I would like to be a role model and mentor for students, I really have no passion for teaching. I have been told that I am a good teacher - but I was also good in math, and I didn't pursue that beyond undergrad either. Being good at something is not always enough.

I feel that if I really dedicated myself to teaching I could do a good job. But I do not think that being a tenure track faculty member would allow me the time I would need to prepare the way I would want to for teaching. So either my research would suffer, or I would never feel adequately prepared for teaching. From my experience most professors chose research over teaching, maybe not even deliberately, and the students end up with mediocre classes - that is just not good enough! They are paying a lot of money for their education, they at least deserve passionate teachers! But far too often in academia teaching is undervalued, and research seems to be the only universal measure of success. This just seems so wrong to me.

I really enjoy being a mentor - in fact I am passionate about helping people. I enjoy the one-on-one time I have spent with undergrads and fellow grad students. But it seems that to get such a balance (research, mentoring, and little to no-classroom teaching) you have to leave the ivory tower of my country.

A research career in a national lab, rather than at a university might resolve this issue for me. But I still have a lot to investigate about what the day to day work is like. And I still feel like I'm abandonning all my potential future students if I turn away from teaching. This academic career has become so ingrained that it makes me feel guilty about imaginary students from the future!

If I were at my old university, this would be the perfect time to head over to the on campus pub for a drink on the patio. Instead I will sit at my desk and read a review paper. Because that's what we do at fantastic U.

Mental marathon

I have run a real marathon - the 26.2 mile kind. It was hard, exhausting, and emotional - but I knew I had trained enough, and I knew it was a finite experience. There was a distinct finish line. Although it was probably one of the most incredible and fantastic experiences of my life, I doubt I will ever run another.

Lately I've started to feel like I'm "hitting the wall" mentally. In long distance running, you "hit the wall" when you deplete all your carb stores/electrolytes - you literally run out of free energy in your body. If you don't give yourself some fuel, you risk eating away at yourself instead. That's why distance runners usually have sports drinks, or energy gels - to prevent hitting the wall. I don't know what to take to prevent hitting my mental wall.

Academia seems like a never ending mental marathon - it is probably the only career that allows you to continually learn in very large magnitudes. It is the closest thing to being a perpetual student. I really do enjoy learning. I can't imagine not having the time or energy to accumulate more knowledge and understanding of how the world works. And yet, it feels like my brain is reaching maximum capacity. I worry that every new bit of information going in will push some other bit of information out. Soon I won't remember how to tie my shoes. Good thing I mostly wear slip-on footwear.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I began to struggle with my career path while completing my PhD. I had been to a career counsellor, and we ended up deciding that I would use my time here at fantastic U to explore my options. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a fraud. I managed to secure a nice fellowship for my postdoc, but I wonder if I would have been given the fellowship if the granting agency had known that I have doubts about continuing in academia. I also haven't been putting in much effort to explore other career options. I think I just didn't know where to start, and the thought of leaving this path is very scary. But staying on this path is draining me.

I went to a seminar this week for postdocs looking for their dream job. The speaker acknowledged that of all the PhD's that are granted in the US, only about 12% will secure facutly positions. So what other careers are there for PhD holders? The speaker listed off all the various jobs that her grad school cohort now held. There was one facutly member, but the rest ranged from patent lawyers/associates, policy makers, industry, navy, writers/editors, to jobs like the speaker's that involved more service to the masses, and people. It was relieving to hear so many options. And so many that didn't seem like a step down from the all holy faculty position.

I am waiting for my copy of "Put Your Science to Work" to arrive today. I hope it will help me begin to explore more conretely the options available to me.

Wish me luck!

A great big reunion

This weekend I gave my first ever conference talk. I was nervous and anxious leading up to the talk - and I hate that feeling. But once I was up there, and confident that I had practiced enough, I went into my auto-pilot mode and before I knew it, I was done! I think the talk itself was alright - and I much prefer giving a talk (despite the stress and anxiety) than a poster - mostly because I actually get feedback from the audience. I had at least three people ask questions during the time after my talk for discussion. And several people came up to me afterwards during the break to talk some more. I was pretty thrilled!

But what thrilled me even more was that the conference allowed me to once again be reuinited with several people from my old lab and university. I miss the people from my grad school days, so it was quite the treat to spend time with them again.

Sorry this post is rather short, and relatively uninteresting - my mind has been sort of blurry since the party with my old grad school friends. And I really ought to focus on the minor (but many!) revisions that need to be done on my manuscript - yes, that means I finally heard back from the editor and reviewers for my latest submission! Hurrah! And for once, I think the reviewers are actually going to significantly improve the manuscript with their suggestions and comments!

Okay, back to work!

Who knew I was a closet kiwi?

I don't usually do these things, but this one made me curious....

You Belong in New Zealand

Good on ya, mate You're the best looking one of the bunch Though you're often forgotten... You're quite proud of who you are

What English Speaking Country Are You?

Musings and martial arts

I'll start off with a quick update on my academic life. I finished writing up a script for my talk this weekend. I don't expect to memorize it, but I just find that once I've taken the time to write down the major points I want to make sure I remember to say, I feel more relaxed, and organized. I use my slides more for a visual cue, and to give the audience something to look at while I'm speaking. I don't like putting too much text on my slides, because I figure either the audience won't bother reading it anyway, or will have a hard time concentrating on either my voice, or the text on the slide while both are being projected to them at once. I try to emulate speakers I enjoy listening to. But I'm sure that I've still got a lot to learn. It is my hope that I will never, EVER, go over-time. It is the one thing that will almost always ruin a talk for me, and therefore, I wouldn't want to make my audience stay longer than they have to either.

Also on the academic front, while I was reading PhD Mom's extremely helpful post on how to write a faculty package I had a project idea jump into my head! So I emailed PA (who is out of town for a conference) about said idea, and was quite proud of myself. The project might not be feasible in the end, but I was just so pleased that a novel idea came to me - one that is quite different from the projects I am used to thinking about. Yay! I may just be able to do this academia thing afterall.

And if not, I could always become a martial arts instructor. This is being a little presumptuous, seeing as I have yet to achieve instructor rank in any of the martial arts I have studied thus far. However, this is the first time that I've gotten back into martial arts as an adult. I took some martial arts classes before I went to highschool (and yes, I am being vague on purpose) - for a few years even. My instructors told me that I had a beautiful punch. And the head instructor would always ask me to go to competitions and represent our club for the forms competition (where you perform the choreographed moves for each rank). I never went. I think I was too shy, or scared or something. Hell, I remember in the very first class I was so scared and nervous that my knees were literally shaking, and I was so worried the other kids in the class were going to notice my pants jittering at the knees. Thank goodness my parents got me into those classes. I can only imagine what a passive wreck I'd be if I didn't have the self-confidence I learned there.

Eventually we started sparring in class. I went undefeated, and yet, I remember having so much anxiety before every match. I think that is ultimately what made me stop going. That and I was starting highschool. Lots of transitions. But I think I would have wanted to continue if I wasn't so worried about having to spar again.

Fast forward about 15 years. I joined a martial arts group here at fantastic university - a different style from my previous training. I joined because the group came highly recommended from a friend, it was convenient, and I missed being involved in a martial art. I didn't realize how much I had missed it until I was back in the fold. I really really missed it. Because of my previous experience I was able to master the basics of this new style fairly quick, and have gone up a few ranks in this group. I am at roughly an equivalent level now to the one I was at when I left my old club. But the biggest difference is I no longer have anxiety about sparring! I don't know if it's just that I'm no longer the lone girl always sparring with a bunch of immature boys, or if I'm just less anxious in general now that I'm older. But I'm actually learning about sparring strategies for people of my stature, and having a really great time. I also really enjoy being able to teach fellow students. Even though I don't often out-rank them by much (or at all), I think because of my previous experience in another martial art, I can see the technical qualities of what we are being taught and therefore am better able to help the newer students figure out how to do the techniques as well. I enjoy it so much that I often wonder if I could follow in the footsteps of my current instructors and become a teacher myself - or even run my own club/school someday! ha! All of these day dreams and I'm still only about half way up the rank system.

What I really enjoy about these thoughts is the fact that I seem to have found a passion again - and a lost passion at that! It gives me hope - hope that I have something I'm good at and enjoy enough that if this academia thing doesn't work out for me, I know that there is something else out there that makes me happy and wouldn't feel like a step down. It may look like a step down to other people, but it wouldn't feel like one to me.

During the last year of my PhD I read Po Bronson's book "What Should I Do With My Life?" and at the end I was pretty dismayed by the fact that I really didn't have a passion. Sure I enjoyed science, but at the time I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and under-enthusiastic. So many of the happy stories in Bronson's book revealed that the person in question had been able to identify a latent or novel passion, and then ran with it. I was still searching.

But I think I may have stumbled back into mine.

Power-houses and small talk

I just finished running through my talk for the conference this weekend. Only two slides won't make the cut (due to time constraints), but I will tack them on to the end, after the acknowledgments in case someone asks a question specifically about the subject of those slides. Otherwise I think the timing is fine - though I feel a little rushed. I will probably put the time into actually semi-scripting the talk. I figure conferences, defences, and job talks are worth the added effort. When else do I have a captive audience for an extended period of time? I might as well do my best to make it worth their time too! I don't imagine I'd be able to put this much effort into daily lectures, but that is a different arena - facilitating the transfer and uptake of knowledge can be done in other ways. Next year I might even take some courses on teaching science - but I'm putting that off until I figure out what my next project will be.

I've been reading an awful lot of text books lately. I find that when I read about topics I have previously studied, but mostly forgotten, I gain a better, more firm understanding of the subject. Often times the terminology sticks, but the solid understanding fades quickly after the final exam. I worry that I will soon lose all but my mathematical vocabulary, and much of my other science knowledge as well! But it is difficult to find the time to reaquaint oneself with undergraduate subjects - and especially daunting when you have no professor to lecture for you, and instead only large texts books to sift through for the passages that will be most useful. What I find even more frustrating is that because I have no exam to study for, I don't know what information is worth retaining, and what can be glossed over. In an ideal world where I could retain everything I wouldn't gloss over anything - but I often feel that my brain is reaching critical capacity as is, and I really don't want to forget my phone number or where I live just so that I can remember all the components needed by mitochondria, for instance, to perform their various functions. It has been far too long since I've studied these things. I need a system.

I started writing down random thoughts, questions and ideas for research projects. It has been very helpful alleviating my worries of forgetting thoughts that might be terribly useful in the future. But those scattered scraps of paper need a home and some organization of their own. I think I need a "thoughts" book - I already have a "lab notebook" so that months from now I can figure out what the heck I was doing today. Hopefully the "thoughts" book can somehow help me write down things I've learned form my readings as well - despite the lack of a final exam, I'd still like to retain what I learn somewhere! I just can't believe it has taken me this long to get organized.

Anyway, I've been reading a lot of textbooks. I am trying to re-learn cell biology (actually, I am trying to learn it for the first time, since the course I took in undergrad was "problem based learning" and very little learning actually took place). How can I study anything in biology, even if it is only tangental to my work, without a thorough understanding of how the basic units work?