When things turn out better than anticipated

I'm sitting in a rather cozy waiting room (all on my own, not in the main waiting room) for what I was expecting to be a very unpleasant prenatal appointment.

You see, on Monday I went in for a regular prenatal appointment that included a glucose test (to test for gestational diabetes). An hour before the appointment I had to down this really sickly sweet drink and then have my finger pricked to measure my blood sugar once I arrived. And unfortunately my blood sugar level was right on the border of their cut-off values, which meant I'd have to come back (today) and do a 3 hour glucose tolerance test. What that would entail is fasting from midnight the night before, and arriving here just before 8am to have 4 blood draws (first one upon arrival, then I drink the yucky drink, then 3 more blood draws on the hour for 3 hours).

Oh the joy.

Did I mention that you're supposed to drink the glucose drink within 5 minutes? And it's a pretty big amount of liquid, especially considering the cramped quarters of my tummy these days. For the 1 hour test I nearly threw up trying to get it all down in time. I chose a non-carbonated flavor because I thought it would help.

It didn't.

Also, I have pretty extreme anxiety about needles. And for the 3 hour glucose tolerance test they have to do the needle rather than the finger prick. Sometimes I have to lay down for up to 15 minutes after a needle because when I try to sit up or walk I start to pass out. I hate that needles have that effect on me.

So I was VERY upset when I found out that I'd have to go through all of this - and that I'd have to stay here in between each needle.

Last night I just tried my hardest not to think about what would be happening this morning, to keep the anxiety at bay. I think it may have worked!

So far this really hasn't been all that bad. Needles still aren't any fun, but Mr.Daybyday and the nurse have been exceptionally supportive, and that helps a lot. I have had 3 needles so far today (just waiting on the last one now - and then I can finally EAT!!) and I didn't even need to stay laying down after any of them so far! GO ME! I was so worried about passing out and how that might affect the baby.

Oh, and I chose the carbonated lemon-lime flavor drink today, and it was MUCH more palatable - sort of tasted like sprite that had started to lose its fizz. I had no problem finishing it in under 5 minutes, and only felt very full, rather than sick afterwards.

So now I'm sitting in a great big recliner in this comfy little waiting room (I think they must have this just for those poor few who have to do the 3 hour test), with my laptop. There is no open wireless connection for me to tap into so I've been working offline, and have finished just about everything I can do for work without any internet connection. Luckily I have Season 2 of Meerkat Manor on here so I've got plenty to keep me occupied.

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Update: Now that I am home and have internet again, I just thought I'd let you all know that the fourth needle was also not faint-inducing! I wish I could have this nurse do my needles every time I had to have them! She was so great, and fast, and totally comforting! By the last needle, I was even smiling and making jokes with her!

I can't believe how much better this experience was than what I was expecting.

I wish I could say that more often!

Big strong wings

I wish I could capture all the memories/conversation from my most recent appointment with the psychologist so that I never forget them - it was a really great session!

We chatted briefly about how things are going with the pregnancy, and then moved on to discussing career issues. I told her that I had just received another email personally inviting me to apply for a tenure track faculty position at a university (that makes two separate schools inviting me to apply for faculty positions within the last month). This time the offer was more appealing, but again, because of the timing, my heart isn't really in it - both universities are looking for people to start before the fall of 2008. I hadn't really anticipated applying for jobs until AFTER that time. And I still find it crazy that I'm being contacted directly and invited to apply - where are these places hearing about me? I still feel like a small fish. I still feel that I'm not ready to think about running my own lab.

Then the psychologist said she views me as this beautiful, strong bird perched at the edge of her nest. Big strong wings, parental units (biological, and academic) waiting for me to finally take flight, and strangers from other trees inviting me to fly over and build my own nest in their tree. But there I am, still perched at the edge of my nest, afraid to jump.

I think her analogy is quite fitting - and I often find myself thinking "having big strong wings doesn't mean I know how to use them. It doesn't mean I still won't tumble and fall flat on my face." But I guess others have seen enough to think that I've already demonstrated that I can fly, it's just that for some reason, I don't see all that practice as being valid.

But what's the use in having big strong wings if you never try to use them? Maybe putting together a faculty application package will help me see what the others seem to see in me.

Stability

Well it's been a whirlwind of appointments all relating to the wee one. We had a regular prenatal appointment first, and when I took my jacket off to hop on the scale, the midwife said "Well you're just all baby, aren't you!" My tummy certainly is! Everything at that appointment went fine, and I am measuring right on track for how far along I am in the pregnancy (which for someone of my small size, that means my belly is getting HUGE, relatively speaking).

Next we met with the pediatric neurosurgeon who would be handling our case, and helping to decide what type of treatment the wee one would need. He was very optimistic, and had an overall very cheerful disposition! What a breath of fresh air from all the sombre faces we tend to get at appointments. He indicated that it may even be possible that the wee one might not need any treatment (ie. no shunt or surgery) - but we'll have to wait and see how the hydrocephalus progresses. That was exciting to hear, and we left feeling pretty hopeful.

And finally we had another level 2 ultrasound and consultation with the perinatologist. Unlike the last time, we weren't really all that anxious about this appointment - I don't know if it's because we were just hopeful, or just coping better now. In any case, we were very much looking forward to seeing the wee one again on the ultrasound screen, and just a little bit anxious to see how the ventricles were measuring.

Mr. Daybyday stated it well when he said "Either things have cleared up, stayed roughly the same, or progressed more. In any case, we keep going, and keep getting things ready for the wee one's arrival."

The ventricles had enlarged slightly, but so had the overall head size, so the ratio of ventricle width to hemisphere width had stayed pretty much exactly the same as the last time! The perinatolgist said "This is what we like to see!" So it seems that things are stabilizing, rather than progressing to a more severe form of hydrocephalus. He said that when they first observe enlarged ventricles they never know at what point in time they are catching it - at the beginning of enlargement, in the middle, or at the end when they reach a plateau. So we are hopeful that the wee one's ventricles are at the plateau stage.

Of course we go back in four weeks for another ultrasound, but we're pretty happy right now :)

And the wee one was squirming around during the ultrasound, so I again got to see exactly what wee one was doing when I felt all those movements inside my belly!

It would have been nice if the hydrocephalus had cleared up completely, but having stability is a pretty great result too.

Thanks to all of you who have been sending us positive thoughts and kind words!

And finally, I will leave you with a picture from the most recent ultrasound - the sonographer was able to get a partial face image (the wee one was being difficult and not letting her get a full face image). It looks to me like the wee one is smiling!